This Post is About Food

Breaking the Bubble | Allie Hoerster | October 29, 2015

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Stop pretending like you didn’t click this post just because the word “food” is in the title. You did. I mean, most of us are college students who go to club meetings and social activities solely for the free food. No shame in that. I’m about to be a little bit of a buzzkill here, so don’t hate me too much, but the freshman (and probably sophomore, and junior, and senior) fifteen is a real thing. Don’t get me wrong, we should all learn to…

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…every once in a while (or all the time, then you can just click out of this article), but there are still easy, healthy options of the unhealthy foods we all know and love. Yes, this is your mother speaking.

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1. Potato chips. What you need: a potato, olive oil, and a microwave. Read it and weep (and wipe the BBQ Lay crumbs off your laptop keyboard, you slob). Literally all you do is take a potato, thinly slice it into coins, toss the coins in olive oil, and pop the slices in the microwave for 3-5 minutes. SO WORTH IT.

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2. Ice cream. Yep, I’ve seen the never-ending ice cream and fro-yo dispensers in North and South Dining Hall. I’ve also seen a kid fill two full-sized plates with cookie dough ice cream (#respect). While ice cream is undeniably good, I have a better idea. Steal 3 or 4 bananas from the DH (breaking the rules of taking one object at a time, but that’s just what happens when you live on the edge) and stick them in your mini-freezer. After they’re frozen for a while, head down to your dorm’s kitchen and blend them up (you can add dark chocolate, nuts, peanut butter, etc.). This is a magical moment: the blended bananas turn out to be the exact same texture as regular ice cream!! No, seriously, I tried this at home and it changed my life forever.

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3. Pizza. Not gonna lie here, pizza is the king of all college food. Therefore, I have a feeling that it’s going be hard to persuade those of you who have a deep, affectionate bond with it. I’m not going to tell you to give it up (you can exhale now), but I will tell you to load on the veggies. Better yet, you can easily make your own pizzas with tortillas/english muffins/whole-wheat wraps, tomato sauce, and a few toppings. I made tortilla-pizza-roll-ups for the kids I babysat over the summer and they forced me to make them every single day after that for about two weeks, so I pretty much won Food Network: Babysitter Edition. I sense that there’s going to be some kind of hate mail coming my way after pizza-lovers get a hold of this article, but #noragrets.

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4. Baked goods of any kind. Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! My personal weakness is anything that has chocolate in it and smells good. So, basically every dessert ever. While I could give you a thousand alternate, healthy recipes for unhealthy desserts, I feel like I’ve put you through enough pain already. Go ahead, eat that slice of cake. But, if you feel too bad about yourself after reading this, you can try Quest Bars, my favorite gluten-free, dairy-free, low sugar protein bars that come in dessert flavors like Pumpkin Pie, Cookie Dough, Cookies&Cream, S’Mores, Mint Chocolate Chip, Brownie, Cinnamon Roll, Peanut Butter Chocolate, Strawberry Cheesecake, Apple Pie, and Banana Nut Muffin. They’re real game-changers. OK, I’m done now. I promise.